End of the Era of Invincibility

Yup, today was the big day--my first shot of Copaxone. I woke up way too early, made several futile attempts to get some work done before my appointment, and spent the drive from my house in Minneapolis to the Neurology clinic in St. Paul pondering the upcoming appointment. To be perfectly honest, it was a pretty sad car ride. I felt like by treating the MS, I was resigning myself to the disease, no matter how mild the diagnosis. My days of unquestioned and unchallenged invincibility were over. Denial was no longer a viable option. I was accepting the MS--three months after the diagnosis, and more than 4 years after the initial problems began.

I was shaking a little when I met with the Needle Advisor, a wonderful nurse practitioner who was very patient, understanding, and personable. She pulled out some practice materials--syringes filled with water, a "skin simulator" puffy square thing that you can attach to your leg to simulate a real injection, and the autoject injection device. She carefully walked me through the process, with her using the practice materials once, and then me using the practice materials once.

And then it was the moment I had been dreading. I made the decision to administer my first injection into my belly. For some reason it seemed like the easiest spot. I prepped the autoject--loaded the spring, snapped in the syringe, and carefully removed the cap. I placed the tip of the autoject against my stomach. All that was left to do was to push the button that snapped the plunger into action and released the medication.

And then I froze. I couldn't pull the proverbial trigger. I gave myself all sorts of advice--some in my head, and I'm pretty sure some out loud. Finally, after what felt like an hour and a half (which is virtually impossible, since i spent less than an hour in the room), I squeezed my eyes shut and got up the nerve to push the button. With a loud "snap," the needle punctured my skin and the medicine was slowly released into my body.

And then I'm all "That's IT? Damn, I could have done that three months ago!"