Evil Doggie Bottoms and Karmic Retribution

**WARNING--If you are not comfortable with stories about bleeding doggy bottoms, please stop reading now!**

Randy, my Jack Russell Terrier, is pure evil.

Let me backtrack a bit by telling you a bit about my (near) week at the farm in Iowa. As always, it was delightful. My brothers, sister-in-law, niece, parents, aunts, cousins, and grandma all had some quality time roaming around the Iowa acreage, and it was fantastic. With one small exception. Randy the Evil Jack Russell Terrorist.

My cousin's daughter is ten, and she is quite small and sweet. So you can understand why Randy tried time and again to eat her. My niece is 9 months old, and even smaller and (of course) as sweet as can be. So you can understand why Randy spent much of the week devising evil plots to eat her as well.

Randy's list of prospective victims did not end there. It further included the man who came to fix the water main, and the neighbor lady who had the audacity to jog past the farm (twice!).

I am seriously at my wit's end with this dog. I really don't know what to do with him. Am I the right person to handle this human aggression? I don't know the answer to that, or the answer to how to handle the situation.

What I do know is that Karma stepped in to bitch-slap Randy for his bad behavior. This morning, I noticed a funny little swollen area by Randy's bottom when he lifted his tail up. Naturally, the lump (think 1/2 of a golf ball slapped under the skin just left of his pooper) did not go away by itself (despite my passionate belief in the "if you ignore it, it will go away" theory). After work, I ran him to the vet to have his anal sacs expressed (yes, I'm taking this post there). Evidently, the anal sac was actually impacted, and when the vet went to express it, it ruptured a little (can something really just rupture "a little?").

So Randy, the Evil Jack Russell Terrorist, has been hobbling around, ears back (submissive mode), bleeding and oozing in the derrier. Karmic.

Or perhaps it's not so much Karma for Randy, but further punishment for me. After all, I'm the jerk chasing him around with a wet paper towel, cleaning the bleeding butt mound and trying to keep him off the furniture.

I guess the fairy tale of dog ownership isn't all it's cracked up to be...